I'm Coming Out as a Gay Rights Supporter

On Friday, November 11, 2008 I attended a rally and march in Salt Lake City to protest the LDS Church's involvement in the passage of California's Proposition 8.
Some facts: Prop 8 amends the California constitution to effectively ban gay marriage. Last year California's Supreme Court found such a ban unconstitutional and stated that same-sex marriage was a fundamental right. Since that time, more than 18,000 gay and lesbian couples have gotten married in California.
Prop 8 passed 52.3% to 47.7% with a difference of about 500,000 votes.

Since the passage of Prop 8 there have been massive protests which are continuing as I write. Yesterday (11/8/08), police estimated that 12,500 people gathered in the Silver Lake district of Los Angeles. Protesters claim the number was much higher. Many of the protests, (including the one seen in the above video of the Nov. 7th protest in Salt Lake City) have coalesced around LDS church headquarters, buildings, and places of worship.

Many Mormons are confused, hurt or angry that protesters seem to be singling out the LDS Church in their anger and frustration over Prop 8's passage. However, the LDS church took a prominent and active role in championing the proposition, issuing a letter that was read in all of its congregations in California. It reads, in part:

We ask that you do all you can to support the proposed constitutional amendment by donating of your means and time to assure that marriage in California is legally defined as being between a man and a woman.

Members of the church, both in California and elsewhere, responded with donations that are estimated between $15-$22 million. That makes up an astounding percentage of the total $35 million raised in support of the measure. For a list of confirmed donations from Mormon sources, check out Mormons for Proposition 8.
Many opponents of Prop 8 feel, with considerable justification, that the LDS church's involvement was the critical factor in the proposition's victory.

My own response to the passing of Prop 8 and the LDS Church's involvement has been both passionate and complex. I was brought up in an active and happy LDS family and I understand the intense devotion to family that most Mormons share. For Mormons, the idea of salvation is intimately connected to families, and not just any family will do. Families must conform to an eternal plan for salvation to be effective. In recent years, the church has clarified this doctrine with an official statement called The Family: A Proclamation to the World. Consider a passage from the document:

The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ.

Most Mormons embraced "The Proclamation" and were encouraged to think of it as scripture on the same level as the Bible. They found it supported what they already knew from experience--that their families were sources of joy and spiritual fulfillment. Others received the statement with despair as they found themselves in circumstances outside those outlined and endorsed by the church. Those included not just gays and lesbians who obviously did not conform to the phrase, "between man and woman" but also single parents, divorcees, and people who had married outside the faith.
"The Proclamation" also served as a justification for extending the church's doctrine into public policy opposing same-sex marriage. It states:

...we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.
We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.

The document was first issued on September 23, 1995, the same year the church had involved itself with a number of different legal and legislative actions in opposition to same-sex marriage (the most notable being in Hawaii).

Soon after "The Proclamation" was issued, I left the Mormon church--due both to the internal conflicts of my own beliefs with church doctrine and also to the way I saw church leaders marginalizing people outside the established ideals and norms they sought to promote. Since then I have walked a fine line trying to live my life on my own terms while assuring my Mormon family and friends that my departure from the faith was not aggressive or "anti-Mormon," doing what I could to heal the strain that my leaving the church had on those relationships.
So it was with some trepidation that I found myself walking to the protest on Friday. Not that I was unsure of how I felt, but knowing that I could no longer be silent about it. In my adult life I have always been sympathetic to gay issues, but ultimately felt they weren't my battles to fight. With the passing of Prop 8, I feel differently. I feel the strong conviction that gay rights are now my rights.
I am engaged to be married next summer and I have been thinking a lot about what it means to get married. It is deeply troubling to me that I can still build a life with the partner of my choice, with all the legal and social benefits and privileges that come with marriage, while many of my closest friends can not. I find it outrageous that well-meaning people would make it more difficult for their fellow citizens to build their own stable, productive families. It makes me angry that the community I grew up in took the lead in denying people the legal rights associated with marriage. I believe very strongly that in a pluralistic democracy every citizen should have equal access to legal rights and protections.

I am glad I went to the protest, because not only did it provide me a place to make my support of gay rights known but it also helped temper the anger I was feeling. There were certainly a lot of angry people there. There were angry words spoken, and angry slogans on placards. But these were in the minority. The speeches given at the rally emphasized the need to reach out to members of the church and explain the positions we hold. To foster dialogue. As Utah State Senator Scott McCoy said in his speech, "We need to love more, not hate."
In that spirit, Mormons should know that the protesters don't hate Mormons. We are not anti-Mormon. We oppose Mormons only insofar as they seek to take away the civil liberties of their fellow U.S. citizens. No one contests the church's right to set forth doctrine and policy for its own members, but it is wrong for it to extend its beliefs and doctrines into the public sphere where it affects people who have nothing to do with the church. In order for a pluralistic democracy to work there must be a separation of church and state--doctrine cannot be the basis for public policy. We must all be free to follow our own spiritual paths, and allow every other citizen the same right.

And so, I am coming out as a supporter of gay rights. I urge all of my straight readers, who have stayed in their closets, secretly cheering on their gay friends and family members to come out as well. It is time for gay rights to be our rights. It is time for us to demand equal rights for all citizens of the United States of America. It is time to allow all people who wish to be productive members of our society the opportunity to do so.

For more resources to demand marriage equality for all, check out overturnprop8.com or join Repeal CA Proposition 8 on facebook.

*crossposted on my personal blog themattblack.com